It’s hard to know what to say this blog is “about” without telling you how I got here. In October of 2004, I decided it was a perfect time to build a business from scratch, take on a mountain of debt, and simultaneously excel as a full time mom to a 10 month old. No day care for him, I would just strap him to my hip and carry on as usual. I would do this all while also maintaining the crazy standard of obsessive compulsive behaviors that forced me to wash my sheets everyday while pregnant, vacuum multiple times a day, and look down my nose at anyone who cooked anything from a box. It was a perfect storm of arrogant self-assuredness that in no way involved one moment of prayer or reflection of whether it was really a wise decision. I have always lived under the delusion that if someone else can do something then surely I can too. While this may be true in a literal sense, it is not true where the practical reality of life, spouses, children and finances come into play. But I did it, and I did it all out, with my whole heart, the same way I do everything. And as a result…I didn’t sleep for 3 years. Fast forward 2 years and another bundle of joy later to a woman on the brink of a nervous breakdown, having poured her heart soul and every penny she had into her business.
Enter beautiful, redemptive grace.
Jeff and I grew up in church. We knew Jesus loved us and knew the “true meaning” of Easter and Christmas even though we were not exactly living those truths out. But on Sunday February 11, 2007 our lives were changed with one sermon. We knew when we left church that day that our lives would never be the same. We were convicted, we were ashamed, and we knew that we had to make changes in our lives and that started with being intentional about our faith.
The next 6 1/2 years would reveal more about us than we could imagine even existed. 2 major moves, 2 major job changes, selling a business,welcoming a 3rd child into our world, and diving into a ministry we felt completely unequipped to lead. It was messy and beautiful and terrifying and thrilling.
Now here we are 7 1/2 hours away from “home”, from family, and on a new adventure. I have no doubt that I am supposed to be rediscovering the creative spirit that defined me for the first half of my life. God has made that clear. I know that I am supposed to be sharing our story. I just am not exactly sure what those 2 things look like in practice. So I am going to learn, and create and write my way through it.
My life is messy and silly and full of chaos most days. I am married to a super low-key, go with the flow kind of guy who is my greatest supporter, super smart, and the most incredible man I know. Our kids think he is a super hero who can do no wrong and some days I wonder if they are not correct. He was put on this Earth to be mine. We have 3 kids who are all miniatures of someone in our family. The oldest, Jake, is all mine. He is tender-hearted with his emotions always right on the edge of bubbling over. He is creative, kind, and entirely too hard on himself when he makes mistakes. I cannot imagine where in the world he gets that. Our middle child Will, is a mini Jeff (even though I identify with his middle child syndrome). He is all boy, never stops moving, and literally sleeps with a ball some nights. He would play baseball all day every day. He is crazy smart like his daddy and I have just discovered has a love for writing. Maddie May is the firecracker who adds color and glitter to all of our lives. She is her 2 aunts made into one person. Looks like one, has the sassy attitude of both, and is no doubt going to know how to hold her own as she grows up. When I see her standing there, hands on hips, directing her brothers or the dog, I know she is all mine.
Our life is not perfect, but it is ours and we are doing our best to live it in a way that honors God. I know that when He stirs within me an unsettled sense that I need to be doing something, the best thing I can do is start walking in faith. I never know what it will look like on the other side, but I know that He will use all things for good. And that is enough for me.
I hope you will subscribe so you will be emailed when a new blog is posted. If you would like to follow along and see what is happening in my creative world, check out my website at www.caseyprints.com or follow along and like me on facebook!