Originally posted March 22, 2014
It is 2:26 in the afternoon, the week of spring break.
I have company coming in less than 24 hours, muddy paws have left now dry prints all over my floors, there is a basket of laundry to be folded on my bed, sheets to be changed, a kitchen scattered with cereal boxes, bread crumbs, and bags of apples ready to be washed. The kids are finally playing in the woods because the sun is trying to peek out of the gray sky.
I am still in my pajamas.
I have barely opened my Bible today even though 5 hours ago I sat down to do my Bible study. I used it for reference as I wrote, but I have not reached for it to fuel my soul even though I know it is the thing I need most.
Some days I feel lost, this is one of those days.
I long for purpose, yet I sit here and write instead of clean up the mess scattered around my house. What if today that is my purpose? To keep a clean house, to teach my kids about tidiness and responsibility?
Am I so vain that I cannot fathom that THIS is all God has for me today? So I search my heart for what I have to say, I question what I believe my calling might be, and I desperately seek approval and affirmation from someone who might have read a nugget of encouragement.
I like to look like I have my life together, that I am content with whatever God places before me this day or that, but to look at me today you would know that I am a liar. I say I hate to be busy but faced with a week that is not busy at all I simply do not know how to be not busy in my day to day life.
God grant me the strength to accept that YES, maybe this is what you have for me today because MAYBE, you want to tell or teach or show me something. God help me to lay down this vanity that says I am meant for more. Give me peace in the mundane, joy in the counter wiping, laundry folding and mopping. Teach me to praise you not only in the storms but in the calm that terrifies me.